Feeling Left Out

Have you ever felt left out? Yes, you say. Well, you understand how I feel these days. It seems like everyone is pregnant or having babies, and while I am not envious of anyone or have no ill feelings concerning another woman's pregnancy, I do however, wonder all the time why hasn't it happened for me. Am I so different from any other woman on earth, what seems to be the problem. Not only have we lost a child, now we are facing complications conceiving. Life can really seem unfair at times.
I had come to a place where I was settled in life, I was intentionally dealing with our loss, and embracing my feelings, whatever they may be. It was always in the back of my mind that I want to have children, but I was getting to the point where I was comfortable and not stressed about trying to conceive. And, let me tell you, IT IS STRESSFUL! But, I was in a pretty good place with it all. And then these thoughts starting finding their way into my mind, I have been longing so much to experience the completeness of pregnancy, I only tasted 16 weeks of it and I was robbed of what should have been one of the greatest joys life has to offer. Its almost like I can touch it; being pregnant again. Its just a really sad thing to deal with, not only the grief of losing your child, but having complications getting pregnant. I just don't get it, but I have to constantly remind myself that God hasn't forgotten about me!

2012

Happy new year everyone! Sometimes its hard to believe were already in the year 2012, it kinda sounds funny to say..2012. I sure thought I would be at such a different place in life by now. Its funny how we make our plans, and things tend to go totally opposite of what we had planned. I thought for sure I'd have children by now, but here I am, and that hasn't happened yet. It seems to happen around me all the time, each of my closest friends have children or are pregnant now. I think often, "why hasn't it happened for me yet", what am I doing wrong. It just really seems unfair. To have tasted of the joys of being pregnant and then to have that stripped away is just not fair at all. I feel like I missed out on so much, and I want that experience so bad. I'm trying to believe with all my might that 2012 is going to be the year that we conceive and birth a healthy child. And that my friends is a full time job; believing that it will happen. Keeping the faith in God, that He is going to bring it to pass. I have no choice but to believe Him, I didn't believe for so long, and I still struggle with whether it will happen or not, but I fight thru it. I'm going to make an intentional effort to focus my energies toward standing on what God promised our family. I don't believe God would watch us go thru something so very tragic and not give us a reward for the things and pain we endured.