Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Feelings
It's hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months and 4 days since Tre has been gone. That's a really long time, and some days it feels like it just happened. I wonder will it always feel like this. This is the worst emotional roller coaster ever. No person should go through this. The loss of a child is a feeling that is abnormal, I see how people grieve themselves to death, because the feeling is one that shouldn't be, a parent shouldn't be familiar with the pain of losing their child. But why do so many parents know this horrible feeling. I just don't understand. And as Christmas approaches, I feel this unspoken pressure to be happy and joyful. I do know the reason for Christmas, but I can't say that I'm happy or joyful. This is a time where I should have a tree up with gifts for my son under the tree. Instead I have a house empty of a Christmas tree or any decorations. I'm just not in the mood! I also get tired of people trying to force me to be happy, just let me have my time, please. I realize that this post is all over the place, but I just need to get some things off my mind. Truth be told, I just wish I could skip Christmas and jump right in to next year. But, that's not possible so I'll just take it one day at a time!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Greetings! I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I have bever lost a child. I have never been pregnant but I just wanted to say that on today I am praying with you my sister. God loves you and I do too!!!
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteNever be ashamed of your true feelings. I know that there are also unspoken pressures to get over this quickly and be a superstar believer that never lets anything get you down for too long.
All I know is that it takes more than a scripture quote or cliche to deal with losing a child and, my feeling is, if God is sovereign enough to let such a thing happen, then He obviously knew what effects it would have and what the emotional fallout would be.
So then, one day at a time is really the only option we have; yet believing that one day the "good" out of this situation wold be revealed; even though it's impossible right now to image what in the world could be worth that.
Dear Stephanie,
ReplyDeletePlease know that I am where you are and I know how you feel. I don't how it feels to lose a child; I do know how it feels to lose a mother - suddenly. This year, I haven't been in the Christmas spirit because I have felt a deep void without the comforts of my mother's presence. I have not put up a tree or much decorations either. Just not feeling festive. Please know that you are not alone. Praying for you and myself. GOD KNOWS - our saving GRACE is that HE IS A COMFORTER. BE BLESSED, Stephanie!
Deborah Boglin,
Your HOPE Fam
Does it bring you joy to know that he is with God in heaven?? If so, I would try my best to focus on that. I know its way easier said than done, just trying to help!
ReplyDeleteYour friend,
I dont like when you talk like this, but I understandthat this is a moment that some of us haven't gone through. I do feel as though you will have to find Comfort and Peace from your situation.. Why?? Because Holidays are here to stay and you may have to be joyful to a child thats close to you that needs Love or Attention. NO Lie, Im waiting as well to see the Reason Why God gave you this Challenge.
ReplyDeleteIm waiting to see the Results from this. Whatever it is, I know its something BEAUTIFUL and Great For You.. Sorry again for your MOments, but You are one STRING Woman and I Salute You........
Continue to stay true to yourself and your feelings. Those that haven't suffered a loss will never understand and may push you into their thought of where you should be. Continue to strengthen your faith in God. That is the only thing that will help you keep going. Stay in the Word, stay honest, stay true, and keep praying. It is a must in order for God to take you where you need to go next and to reveal to you what's on the other side of "through". Keep pressing, believe it or not, God has some awesome things in store that will blow your mind. I promise, one day you will be able to say, wow God, I never knew how much you could restore me.............stand on His Word and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteKay
((hugs)) i'm sorry that this holiday season is anything other than joyful. we also will be trying to ignore the holidays and get through it one day at a time. i wish neither of us knew the pain of losing a child.
ReplyDeleteStephanie I cannot say I know how you feel and I cannot say the pain will go away but I can say I love my children very much and a child is a child I couldn't imagine losing one of mine. I love you and I hope that you continue to let your feeling be known because there is someone who shares this same feeling. May God soon heal your heart and mind. Love you and Eddie!
ReplyDeleteI love you Stephanie. Praying for you strength. I have lost a baby and a granddaughter so I do understand. It doesn't necessarily get any better but it does get bearable. God WILL hold you and comfort just keep trusting God. Again, I love you.
ReplyDelete