Happy holidays can be "not so happy"

Why do the holidays bring about such a somber feeling. This is the time where everyone should be overjoyed, and full of happiness. But for some, this time is a reminder of what one should have. At least, that's how I feel. I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I can remember when I was pregnant with Baby Tre, I was looking so forward to the holidays because it would be baby's first Thanksgiving and Christmas, I had even planned on buying little holiday outfits. But, that's not the case now, its just another day. I don't want to not focus on the meaning of the holiday time, but hey, these are my real feelings and I might as well share how I feel. Am I happy? Hmmmm, not sure I can say happy is how I'm feeling right now. I'm thankful and grateful for life, but I do feel like a large piece of who I am, and even who I was supposed to be, is missing. I am supposed to be a mother! I know some would say, "you are a mother", but to that I say, I don't have a baby to show for it, only emotional scars, which people can't see. I have to try extra hard to smile during this time, and I realize its a fight, and probably will be for a long time, and I'm okay with that.