1 week ago today

Here it is, exactly one week after my baby's due date. The day we should have been celebrating his 1st birthday. Instead of a birthday party I had a day full of anxiety and frustration. The day began very strange. I had a really rough morning, but I eventually made it to work. I kinda felt like staying in the bed the entire day, but that's not very realistic when you have other things to do. So I went to work and got through the day the best way I knew how, pretending I was happy. But the truth is, it was a horrible day. Now, I don't want this to be a negative blog site, where I write about how awful my days are. But some days are just that, awful and sad, and all around not good. Wednesday, Sept. 21st happened to be one of those days. But today, I feel just fine, I'm not sad, I am pretty good. And I'm also proud of my better days, I don't have bad days as often as I used to and I'm thankful for that, I appreciate the happy times because so much of my time was spent sad, depressed and stuck where I was. But now I'm finding some sense of peace through it all. I don't understand why I went through what I did and I still question why very often. But I'm making it the way I know how, learning more and more to make a conscious effort to depend on God to be my strength, because my personal strength doesn't do a very good job. I encourage each of you to reach out to God, and give Him the things that even you don't understand.