Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Life with regrets
Don’t you hate to have regrets? It’s so hard when you’ve gone through a situation and then on the other side, you find out that you had options to do things a different way, and you REGRET it. Well, welcome to my life. I wish we had taken pictures of baby boy, I wish I would have held him longer, I didn’t know..I thought I had to rush and give him back to the nurses. I wish we would have had a funeral or memorial service for him. I didn’t even know we had to option to take his body with us. Why didn’t the hospital staff tell us these things? No one knows these things in the moment, because no mother is planning for the death of her unborn child. These thoughts swim through my mind almost everyday. And it is really hard when other angel parents have pictures of their babies to show and all I have are a few ultrasound pictures and a little certificate with one footprint on it, now, I am very grateful to have these things; I just wish I had more. You know what would be even better, if I had him, there would be no regrets at all… But that’s not realistic is it! Oh well, back to reality. I hate living with regrets!!!
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Yes I hate regret's. I have so many and ironically clam to live life with out them. Looking back, I know where your coming from, the day went by so fast and so did the moment. I wish I would have held my daughter longer and unfortunately I was still pregnant and under some serious high risk stuff and couldn't have a funeral for her either, but they did bury her and we go and visit every year for her birthday, I'm not strong enough to go more often than that. Stephanie, hearing your story, my heart breaks even the more, but you know what going forward you are gonna do more with living your life without regrets. There really needs to be better support for angel mothers, especially when they are in the hospital. It's so much I could say, but I don't want to hog the conversation, just know that you are helping us heal as you heal :)Some moments in life we can't get back...but it sure would be nice too....~~~
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