My Feelings

It's hard to believe that it has been 1 year, 8 months and 4 days since Tre has been gone. That's a really long time, and some days it feels like it just happened. I wonder will it always feel like this. This is the worst emotional roller coaster ever. No person should go through this. The loss of a child is a feeling that is abnormal, I see how people grieve themselves to death, because the feeling is one that shouldn't be, a parent shouldn't be familiar with the pain of losing their child. But why do so many parents know this horrible feeling. I just don't understand. And as Christmas approaches, I feel this unspoken pressure to be happy and joyful. I do know the reason for Christmas, but I can't say that I'm happy or joyful. This is a time where I should have a tree up with gifts for my son under the tree. Instead I have a house empty of a Christmas tree or any decorations. I'm just not in the mood! I also get tired of people trying to force me to be happy, just let me have my time, please. I realize that this post is all over the place, but I just need to get some things off my mind. Truth be told, I just wish I could skip Christmas and jump right in to next year. But, that's not possible so I'll just take it one day at a time!